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Harry Potter and the ...

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Harry Potter and the Super Commando Karate Kick Thing of Doom.

Harry stood frozen. He had been cornered. His wand lay on the ground, a mere 6 feet from where he cowered, however, if he so much as moved, he knew he would be killed on the spot. Voldemort hovered over him, with 50 or so Death Eaters standing behind him, the flashes of white of their evil grins the only thing Harry could see from underneath their hooded cloaks. Voldemort drew ever closer and Harry drew a sharp breath. This was it. Seven years of fighting had only bought him time. He closed his eyes and waited for the incantation that would set him free from the sharp pain in his heart – but it never came. Instead there was a loud “Oof!” and a dull thud as someone fell to the floor. Harry dared to open his eyes a sliver, and saw that Lord Voldemort was no longer hovering over him, but sprawled across the ground, his Death Eaters looking thoroughly confused. Standing on top of him, looking slightly triumphant, was a girl that Harry had never met before. In the darkness, he could make out two short plaits and a pair of sunglasses sitting on her head. She spun around and proceeded to do some sort of super commando karate kick thing at super speed and within 10 seconds, every single Death Eater was sprawled across the ground in a similar fashion to their leader. The girl then raced around at high speed kicking their heads with all her might.

Harry blinked. This girl was certainly something. Super, even. He rubbed his eyes and watched her rip off the cloak of one of the Death Eaters to reveal none other than an unconscious Severus Snape. She jumped on his stomach and stamped on him all over, making sure that he would never have children if he managed to live through this.

The girl raced back over to Lord Voldemort, who was stirring, and did her super commando karate kick thing again. He immediately fell back to the ground. After stooping over him to check his pulse, the girl nodded and stood up. “Alright, Harry?” she said in a strange accent which Harry realized to be Australian, turning to look at him. Harry noticed he was still cowering foolishly beside an old oak tree and stood up. “Er…I guess so,” he replied thickly. “Um…not to be rude or anything…but who are you?”
The girl smiled and Harry couldn’t help noticing, even in the dim light, that she was incredibly, outstandingly, unbelievably beautiful. “I’m Monica,” she said, brushing herself off lightly, as though all she had just done was trip over in dirt. “Although I get Super Mon from time to time,” she added modestly.
“Where…how…um….”
Monica laughed this time and Harry’s heart skipped a beat. “I apparated from Australia. I had a sense you were in trouble. I know all about you, of course. As for my karate skills, well, I guess I was just born with it. I’ve never had lessons or anything.”
Harry indistinctly noticed his mouth was hanging open. He hastened to shut it and moved closer to Monica. “Thanks,” he mumbled quietly.
“It’s okay!” she said cheerfully. “Now come on, let’s get you out of here.” Monica took Harry’s hand and started to lead him out of the dark woods that he had found himself lost in.
“Wait, Monica…” Harry said, standing still and pulling Monica back to him, turning her around to look him in the eyes. “I know we’ve just met but…I think…I think I’m in love with you.”
Monica smiled, her blue eyes shining brightly, and before either of them knew it, they were kissing very passionately. Then suddenly, Ron and Hermione appeared from nowhere and, without questioning who the pigtails girl was, started jumping up and down holding hands, both squealing “GUESS WHAT? GUESS WHAT? WE FINALLY GOT TOGETHER AFTER 7 YEARS OF SECRETLY BEING IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER!!” And so ends the adventures of Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort, and with it, starts a grand new adventure of the couple who took the most amount of time ever in the world to get together, and the couple who took the least.

THE END!! =)



EPILOGUE!!! =)

After the much anticipated union of Ron and Hermione and the equally exciting bonding of Monica and Harry, a rather tall, stocky boy with an unusually large head suddenly apparated from nowhere, sighed and said in a very deep voice, “Monica, you suck. I was supposed to be the one who performed the Super Commando Karate Kick Thing of Doom on Voldemort and won the hand of the gorgeous Harry Potter!”
Monica rolled her eyes. “Jared, Jared, Jared,” she sighed. “You don’t even know how to do the Super Commando Karate Kick Thing of Doom.” And with that, she performed the Super Commando Karate Kick Thing of Doom on Jared and he died.

THE END (no, really this time.)
Possibly the most retarded story I've ever written...I wrote it last year, when me and my mates would write short stories to bag the shit out of each other and put ourselves on a pedestal, for a joke. I will admit, I embellish on certain things, especially when it comes to talking about Monica's outstanding looks, lol. We weren't bragging, we were making fun of ourselves =P
© 2006 - 2024 xtransparentangel
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Tael-1's avatar
That is a A grade story. Send it to JK! Although you might get a response like that episode of the simpsons where Lisa meets her. Anyway, that was a bit harsh what you did to Snape, but meh maybe it was for the best.
-Luke